Thursday, December 24, 2009

Toothpaste Culture

Every once in a while I'm inspired by a strange thread of thoughts. Today, on merry Christmas Eve, I've been sat here in my living room watching Graham Norton on BBC America. You're wondering how this has anything to do with toothpaste. I told you it was strange.

There's a commercial for toothpaste. Don't ask what brand, you don't really care. What does matter is that, in the commercial, the woman supposedly putting the paste on the brush has a magical power. (I say supposedly because it's quite obvious that the toothpaste is COMPUTER GRAPHICALLY applied to the toothbrush.) She has the magical power of perfectly applying toothpaste to a brush so that it looks, well, perfect. You know, like this:

but without all the the flying tat in the background... so more like this:

but not made out of cement; unless you need cement to hold your dentures on.

The point of both these pictures is to demonstrate the iconic toothpaste curl. Notice the little under tuck towards the handle of the brush, and the sexy little tuft at the head.

Now, let me ask you... Has your toothpaste EVER come out this perfect on your brush? If you have the magical power that the lady in the Crest Pro-Health (it was just on again...) commercial, then I'm sorry you've been given such a useless magical power and perhaps encourage you to go into cake decorating or something more interesting than toothpaste model.

Although, being a Toothpaste Model does not mean you have to be able to apply perfect toothpaste. Like I mentioned previously, the paste in the tv commercial was computer graphically applied.

Frankly, toothpaste doesn't even need a sexy woman to sell it. Toothpaste can be sexy all by itself:

All jokes though, even advertisers somehow manage to make toothpaste sexy:

It's dark, mysterious, sensual, seductive. It's TOOTHPASTE.

Mouthwash, on the other hand, is aided tremendously by this lovely woman:

Mouthwash just doesn't have as much going for it as Toothpaste.

Toothpaste, ladies, has a following.

And to end on a culturally relevant note, toothpaste is also Green.

I bet you never thought so much about toothpaste. And I bet you'll think about sex next time you brush your teeth.