no thank you, rocket man

I was browsing through LIFE's 21 Greatest Space photos, when I came across this photo of Bruce McCandless floating out in the middle of space thanks to a jet pack. This photo terrifies me more than creationists and creamed corn. What if your jet pack went on the fritz? Could the other astronauts watusi the spacecraft over to you before you floated away?

Also, have you SEEN "Powers of Ten"? 

Things I would Ban

1. The superfluous use of "sort of" and "kind of" - especially when combined with an academic tone of voice, and extra especially when pushing trendy square glasses up your nose.

2. the two party system.
see the silly image with the donkeys and elephants mounting each other...

3. "I could care less."

The "caring continuum" is handy:

4. Brownies, cookies, or any other baked goods containing NUTS.

p.s.... what is that font at the bottom of the nut brownie picture?

5. Dan Brown. Is it unfair to pick on pop fiction?

6. wedge heels. because... I don't like them. While I am at it - overly pointy shoes of any kind. I am the dictator of this post!

7. Oh! let's not forget FLOOZIES! maybe Victorian Floozies are alright...

Anything else, while I'm dictator?

Thinking inside the box..

I have to say I have not don't much bank thinking as of late. I have been thinking more close to home. From time to time, my mind has drifted into more expounding thoughts and ideas.

Anyway, I have witnessed a lot of what I shall call: unworldly thinking. What I mean here is, thinking that does not belong in the bank. I think it belongs nowhere but, alas, I have been witness to it. I have been hearing thoughts that boggle my little brain.

I am used to Bank thinking to be honest. I am used to worldly, interesting thought. I am saddened by this group think mentality. It is affecting my life. I need some stimulation.

So, I invite/solicit/whorishly ask for things to think about other than the litany of stuff that usually goes through my head. You know:

puppies

kittens

vesty

passive voice

html code

pretty clothes

poetry

jane austen

dino porn

We need some action and I mean down and dirty, mudslinging epiphanies.

Let's do this because I don't know if I can go another week hearing close minded BS. Ladies...mount up. Show them what we are working with.

walk of fame

Get out your pencils, it's a think tank bank quiz. Which of these pairings has a star on the Hollywood walk of fame? 

Category 1: Movie beasts

 or 

Category 2: James Bond

 or  

Category 3:  DIY television hosts

 or 

Category 4: Nickelodeon TV cartoons

 or 

Category 5: TV judges

 or 

(answers in the comment section)

I wish I was in this meeting

So, KFC has decided to replace bread with chicken. I would link you to proof of that, but they have provided no evidence on the KFC website.

In case you haven't seen it, the sandwich is called "Double Down" and consists of bacon, cheese, and special sauce held together by two pieces of fried chicken ("bread"). Crazy! After the brief "healthy KFC" advertising (buckets of grilled chicken are healthy), they flipped it on us and went straight to heart attack.

I have been seeing this commercial on TV for at least the last couple of weeks, and I am blown away every time. I also love the "unthink" slogan they have going. They also use it in the Double Down commercials, which makes a lot of sense. Kudos to KFC. Unfortunately I could not find the actual commercial, so this will have to do:

And then there is this guy:

Note: He included his phone number in the video info, in case you need to reach him.

an announcement

After conferring tonight, Beth and I would like to pass onto you our new motto:

"No floozies!"

That's all.

the secret to time travel

everyone knows that it takes longer for a kettle to boil if you watch it. and everyone who has ever studied grammar knows that, no matter how witty Lynne Truss is, when reading about punctuation marks and compound complex sentences and past participles, time dramatically slows.



so, what if you were to boil a kettle full of grammar? perhaps time would stop!

there are a few hurdles to overcome before designing a space/time ship with a gigantic visible kettle for an engine.

first, one must distill grammar from its abstract form to something tangible. arguably too, it must be something you could fit in a kettle and bring to a rolling boil. the first thought that comes to mind is likely paper pages covered in grammatical rules. for me though, stuffing grammatical rules into a kettle to boil seems like a fun and interesting experiment.

to stop time, however, the process must serve no interests, no musings, no wonders. essentially, the audience must be bored to the point in which all time suspends--no movement forward of backward. by doing thus, the audience of the grammar-filled kettle will appear frozen in time. the grammar must not provide amusement and so another alternative to paper ought be sought. discuss.

having successfully trapped an audience in suspended time status, what are we to do with them then? can we push them into the past or the future? if the audience is pushed, will they not be disrupted and immediately return to the present? if so, is there a way to harness the energy used to go from suspended state to present state? therein, may hap, lay the secrets to time travel.